So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
