Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
NoShamevember. You game?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize