He had one of those small greek statue penises
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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