when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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