Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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