Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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