So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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