So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
