Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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