Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm like, not good at living.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
