awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
