So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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