If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
