Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
