So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
