I looked at my own cervix.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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