I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
