So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I did not marry a roomba.
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