Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
