that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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