you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
