I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
