I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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