Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize