i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
