You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
