Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
