I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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