I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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