he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
