So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
