he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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