dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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