im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
