As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
