I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
