I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
