OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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