ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
