Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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