Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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