the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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