the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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