Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The adults are the big ones right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
