The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
