fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
