I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
