I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We need to rekindle our bromance
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
