Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
