Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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