Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
