Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
