Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
