Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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