Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Found your dick twin last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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