a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
