Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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