I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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