I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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