so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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