omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
