this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
