My room smells like vodka and shame
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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