positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
