So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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