I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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