If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
