Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
