I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
