fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
whose parrot is this?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
