I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
