We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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