coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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