i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
