last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
